“I don’t know what to do. I just feel…” My friend paused, sipped her coffee, and looked out the window. Tears started to run down her cheeks as I took her hand. “I feel like I don’t matter,” she said, dabbing her eyes with a napkin.
“I’ve been married for 30 years and feel like my husband doesn’t know me. My son calls when he wants something. My daughter is close, but she’s so busy with work and her family, I hardly see her anymore. Now, after 12 years, my position is being eliminated. I won’t even have my job. I just don’t know what to do.”
My heart broke for my friend. She’s a beautiful woman – inside and out. She has always given 100% to everyone and everything. She gives more than she takes and loves with her whole heart. Her pain brought me pain.
Another friend called a few days later. She shared similar feelings. Her marriage, while not falling apart, wasn’t what it once was. She had quit her job a few years ago to help care for her ailing mother who passed away a few months ago. “My kids are grown, my marriage is stagnant, my job is gone, my parents are gone, I feel so lost. I feel overwhelmed with uselessness. I even put my name in to volunteer with a local food bank, and I didn’t hear from them. I called yesterday, and they said they didn’t need any extra help right now. I feel like I’m just here, that I’m nothing for anyone.” I could feel her sadness over the phone. I wished I could reach through and wrap my arms around her.
And yet another friend told me she feels “invisible.” “I’m not making any kind of difference. I don’t even know why I’m here.”
“I feel invisible…”
I can SO relate to her feelings. In fact, on some level, I can relate to what each of my friends has expressed. “Do I really matter? Am I making a difference? I feel inadequate. I feel invisible.”
Growing up, I was the sickly, awkward kid. I was the nerd who lived in her books, got straight A’s, went to church, spent untold hours locked in my room with my own thoughts because I didn’t have many friends. I was often overlooked. I felt invisible. My first marriage failed, my ex-husband leaving me and our 2-month old son after three years of marriage. I was inadequate. I have always worked hard at what I do, striving to be the best at whatever I do, it seemed like someone was always better – I didn’t matter. For a long time, I didn’t feel like I was making a difference in any part of my life.
And honestly, while deep down I know better, there are still times when that little voice whispers “You just don’t matter, you don’t measure up, you’re invisible.”
The truth is, we all have these feelings from time to time, especially when there’s a major change in our life. And while I realize men and women both experience them, women seem to be more likely to experience the “I feel invisible” at some point. We pour out our all for our husband, children, parents, jobs, friends, etc. and it seemingly goes unnoticed. We often feel like we could fall off the face of the earth and no one would notice until dinner didn’t show up on the table in time. We feel like we just don’t matter.
Whether we realize it or not, we DO matter. My friends who expressed their frustration and discouragement matter to me. I love them. They are sisters to me and I cherish every one of them. My life would not be the same without them. Their very presence in my life has changed my life in so many ways.
And when others may not seem to notice the things we do or that we even exist, God does. He has inscribed us on the palm of His hands (Isaiah 49:16), He is our shepherd (John 10:14-15), He has loved us with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3), We are God’s handiwork, created in Christ to do good works (Ephesians 2:10). The Bible is full of the reassurance that God loves us and that we matter to Him.
His love for us runs so deep that He gave Jesus to die in our place, to be the sacrifice for our sin so that we could be reunited with Him. No one would make such an exchange, make such a sacrifice for someone who doesn’t matter.
We each have a call, a purpose. In Christ, we measure up, we are adequate. We are loved and we matter.
