It’s been a weird day. Snow squalls kept me trapped in the house (That isn’t the weird part. It’s February in Upstate New York. That’s pretty much the norm.), unable to spend the day at the church working on the bulletin, a task I enjoy on a weekly basis. The wind has blown; the temperature has dropped; the sky has been gray and dismal. I didn’t sleep well last night, so I’m tired. I’ve had the attention span of a two year old. I’ve walked from window to window. I’ve jumped from one magazine article to another. I have accomplished almost nothing today (I did make the bed and get a load of laundry done! Yippee!) I spent time in my Bible and prayer. For the most part, though, I’ve been, well, I don’t know what I’ve been. Just weird.
We’ve had a lot going in our lives lately. Grown children with problems we can’t fix, aging parents we can’t cure, my husband’s pending retirement scaring the daylights out of us (think fixed, lower income. Ouch!). My mind has been an abyss of dark thoughts, dread, worry, every thing God has told us NOT to do in times of trouble. You name it, my mind has run wild with it. The big problems have taken such a toll that the little things that don’t matter have pushed me over the edge. (Freaking out because I bought the wrong cake mix last week is a bit extreme)
Today, however, it’s as if something in my mind just disengaged. Or maybe it re-engaged, allowing me to see things more clearly. I learned today that my dog likes orange Jell-O. My clumsiness led to a bit dropping onto the floor. She shot across the room like a rocket, slurped up the glob and begged for more. I couldn’t help laughing at my dog licking the wiggly, jiggly mounds of orange sweetness out of the bowl, her tail wagging in pleasure.
I learned that chickadees like my porch swing. What looked like an entire flock perched on the arms and back of the swing this morning and enjoyed the swaying as the wind blew across the porch. They didn’t mind that each burst of wind blew snow onto their feathers. They sang and rocked, despite the weather. The starlings perched in the rafters of my porch, did not approve, squawking every time a gust of wind rocked the swing and blew more snow onto the porch.
I marveled as I watched a swath of clouds move across the sky, snow pouring out in curtain-like form as they passed over the yard. Little “snow tornados” developed and spun around the yard with the gusting winds. I sipped hot coffee and smiled. I realized at that moment that I hadn’t just relaxed and enjoyed something simple in a long time. I couldn’t remember the last time I just smiled. I’d received no “good news” today – no financial miracle, no miracle cure for the many health problems plaguing my family, no miracle calls telling us that our worries were over. Instead it was a day of simply basking in the little, day-to-day gifts from God.
I also realized that I have allowed the bigger-than-I-can-handle issues in my life to take control of me, to so completely consume me that the sweet little daily pleasures have been lost. I haven’t taken the time to notice silly things like my dog’s strange likes or the birds using my porch as a playground. I haven’t allowed myself to see that there is beauty in a snowstorm (okay, that is real proof of my weirdness today!). I’ve let problems rob me of pleasure, to steal my joy.
I sipped more of my coffee and offered thanks to the Lord for letting me see the little bits of sweetness, for allowing me to just relax and enjoy them. And I prayed for His mercy, that He would help me to leave the big things in His hands, and help me to keep my eyes open to those little pleasures, to see and enjoy them every day. I definitely need more of these weird but wonderfully simple days.
